So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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