I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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