She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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