So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
