Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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