bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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