Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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