I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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