why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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