Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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