you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
