i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
