oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
