i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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