I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
