I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
