I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The air was thick with penises
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
