Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
