And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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