nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
