She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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