I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
