Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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