I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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