i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
