Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
