part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
