I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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