i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
