You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
