i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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