I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize