I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
