I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
