I must be too annoying 4 u.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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