Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
