I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
