Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
