then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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