just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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