so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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