Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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