Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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