YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
