it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
