so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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