god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
