my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
