The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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