my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
