god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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