Screwed.edu
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
