Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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