we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
