I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize