Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize