I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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