okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
