Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
