Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
