I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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