hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
