Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
