If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize