Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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